party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
