I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
