Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
