shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
