Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
