they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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