also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
