I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This is the high leading the old right now
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
