i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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