omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize