THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
