Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
