the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
