Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
