every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
