She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
