the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
