just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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