I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
