this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
