i was born a porn star she said
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize