he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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