Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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