if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
