Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
