is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
