Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
