the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
