***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
