Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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