The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
