Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
