the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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