Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
