have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
