but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And then he peed in my hair
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