No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
