Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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