So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
