We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
