Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
