She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
