Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize