a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
