All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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