Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
