i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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