4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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