Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
