I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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