By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Life is so much better after having sex.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
