Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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