Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
