It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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