My friends, they love my intelligence
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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