You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
