Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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