Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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