I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
