I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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