I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
