If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
