Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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