Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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