There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
