I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
