i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
