you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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